NEW MICHIGAN COACH’S CRIMINAL
University of Michigan Athletic Director David Brandon’s self-proclaimed thoroughness during his search for a new football coach was called into question today when a blogger discovered evidence that the man Brandon believes to be Brady Hoke may, in fact, be a member of the New Jersey Mafia long-thought to have been murdered by fellow mobsters. Brandon announced yesterday that Hoke would become the 19th head coach in Michigan’s football history.
The blog grassfed55 on WordPress.com published photos purporting to prove that Brady Hoke and Salvatore “Big Pussy” Bompenserio are, in fact, the same person. The blog’s author, Joseph Neely of Ann Arbor, usually writes about the benefits of grass-fed beef as compared to beef finished on corn at a Concentrated Animal Feed Operation (CAFO). It is not known how Neely came into possession of the photographs published on his blog.
The FBI has so far declined comment. Tony Soprano, under whom Bompenserio allegedly served as a captain in the New Jersey crime family, was reached on a throw-away cell phone at Satriale’s Pork Store in Kearney, New Jersey. “I ain’t seen Pussy in ten years; what the hell do I know? How’d you get this number, you?” Soprano said.